He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
