He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i already hear my dad disowning me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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