update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
