For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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