He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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