I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
