Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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