He asked me if I "almost moaned"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
