If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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