I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
tell me about the eggs
Randomize