I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Green mimosas i think yes
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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