Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
