Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
