At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
