I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
