I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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