he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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