Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
