Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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