There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
