Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I supernannyed him into submission
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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