Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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