my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
