I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is Oprah even human
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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