So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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