i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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