Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize