Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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