I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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