hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize