Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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