Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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