i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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