Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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