I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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