just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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