Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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