weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
