Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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