Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
