Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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