I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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