I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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