I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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