I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
