Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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