we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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