I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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