I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
