Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
