my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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