A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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