I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
