I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
