I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
bring money and cleavage
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
