the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
