He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize