you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
