i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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