I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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