I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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