Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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