my mouth tastes like poor choices
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
