I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
