In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
