he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
