Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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