bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
