Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
His nipple licking is glorious
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