He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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