he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
