this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
