Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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