We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
