Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
