I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wear drunk well.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
