this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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