somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
